"The Island" Features Republican Clones

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Saturday, 23 July 2005


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for "The Island" Features Republican Clones
Clones of Republicans?

HOLLYWOOD-The new movie "The Island" features two proletariat clones Lincoln Six Echo (played by Ewan McGregor) and his friend Jordan Two Delta (played by Scarlett Johanssen), who escape from their city-home, a sterile underground medical complex and prison masquerading as a false utopia.

The clones are duplicates of rich and powerful Republicans for the most part. The clones have been programmed with false memories to believe they are privileged to live in their habitat with its oppressive rules and supervision to avoid the contamination of planet Earth. We expect to see clonal duplicates of President George W. Bush and First Lady Laura Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and perhaps even duplicates of movie stars like Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Simpson, Tom Cruise, and Katie Holmes. One obnoxious clone is later revealed to be a copy of the sitting American president.

Lincoln and Jordan escape after Lincoln realizes that they have been especially bred to serve as body parts for their owners. Sean Bean plays the head cloner of the demonic corporation which keeps the clones in ignorant servitude until their organs are to be harvested. The clones are led to believe that they win a rigged lottery to go to "The Island," a contamination-free paradise, but Lincoln uncovers the reality. They escape when Johanssen wins the lottery and is therefore marked for death, her organs to be harvested when her 'human owner' suffers a car accident.

The pair escapes to freedom above ground into the Mohave Desert and then flee to a futuristic Los Angeles pursued by a rogue private security outfit hired by Bean and headed by Albert Laurent (Djimon Hounsou).

The film then descends into standard chase scene fare, which is technically first-rate but extremely unlikely. Eventually Lincoln meets his treacherous human master-owner (another Ewan MacGregor), and thwarts his recapture. Lincoln and Jordan discover sex (a la THX 1138), and then they return to the clone facility to defeat Bean and his henchman, and liberate the clones (a la Logan's Run).

Bean's ogre believes he can create clones and destroy them at will, treating them merely as property with no human rights, since "they have no soul," he says, implying that they are just inhuman collections of molecules. Yet the ‘clones' demonstrate far more humanity than their inhuman, scheming masters who paid fortunes for their cloning.

While this seems to cater to fundamentalist Christian doctrine, it is also a spoof of current Republican religious beliefs which oppose stem cell research and cloning, since it suggests that the rich and powerful masters of an America of the future, Republicans or others, would be more than willing to ignore any ethical and religious scruples about cloning 'insurance policies' such as Jordan and Lincoln, to harvest when needed.

The movie is even a metaphor for the present age when the rich and powerful already receive superior and life-extending medical care, and yes, do more readily receive body parts and organs from the less fortunate.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more