Paris Hilton Takes Her New Pygmy Hippo Shopping

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Tuesday, 9 November 2010


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From A Wild Life To Collecting Wild Life: Amanda, Paris Hilton's Panda, Yesterday

Filthy-rich dumb blonde celebutante Paris Hilton took her new Pygmy Hippo to the shops with her yesterday, writes Sarah N Ghetty, Big Game Correspondent.

It's been all work and no play of late for errant brain-free but dollar-spinning peroxide bimbette Paris, as she keeps her nose clean after a string of contretemps with the Law.

In her most recent brush with Justice, Paris was pulled for cocaine possession in Las Vegas in late August and handed a year of probation and 200 hours community service after a plea deal that saw her escape jail by the skin of her China White teeth.

Hence Paris has now forsworn partying, and has concentrated instead on work, recently gracing MTV's sitcom, The Life And Times Of RJ Berger.

She is also hoping that by cultivating her love of animals she can keep off the familiar slippery slope to degradation and notoriety and even more easy publicity.

As LA Celebrity Snoop Milton Q Lickspittle III told me yesterday: "That jailbird dodge is yesterday's news. Paris knows she gotta come up with something new and hot and what better than a kind of nature-loving, save-the-planet kinda chic, with cute pets and animals and all?

"She only just bought her 149th and 150th miniature dogs - a pair of Pomeranians named Amyl and Nitrate - and now she's moving into exotics from the Third World."

Spotted out shopping in Los Angeles with her sister Bangkok, Paris began by trying to cuddle and carry her cute new Hippo, as she headed to Flakes, the trendy aromatherapy store on Mountebank Street. The 450lb West African herbivore proved too hot to handle, however, and an exhausted and flustered Paris was forced to put the beast down and leave it in the care of Bangkok while she went into the store.

The three were later sighted at Mrs Chang's Chinese Pet Emporium in Little Shanghai, where Paris bought a sheaf of bamboo shoots for her newly-acquired Giant Panda, Amanda.

And that is not all. Far from it. Paris was also seen yesterday evening out for a soothing stroll with her two Pedigree Capybara, called Cosmetic Rigmarole and Vacuous Gesture, who she bought from a Corsican Zoo.

The leopard-skin tights, real leather skirt and alligator shoes she was wearing looked truly stunning and sexy and proved just how much she truly reveres God's creatures.

Milton Q Lickspittle III told me that the word on Queer Street is that the capybara is a simply perfect choice of soulmate for Paris.

"These things are a kind of rooting water hog. Their back legs are longer than their front and they have blunt muzzles. They roll around in the mud and their own filth. They eat their own faeces and regurgitate their food to masticate it again and again.

"But, hey, don't quote me as saying that Paris Hilton does any of that kind of shit."

It certainly seems like Paris will have her work cut out taking care of her new pets. She's not likely to have much energy left for wild-child antics, after a hard day's shopping, carrying her pygmy hippo in her arms and rolling in the mud with her crazy capybara duo!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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