Lindsay Lohan Admits "Yes, Yes, Big Effen Deal, I Failed My Damn Drug Test!"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 20 September 2010


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L.A.'s Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women where Lindsay Lohan may be heading back to again. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen)

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Lindsay Lohan, who is now being called 'The Girl With 1,000 Chances" has admitted to Fox political commentator Bill O'Reilly that she has in fact failed yet another drug test.

O'Reilly giggled as he asked, "What's the matter pretty thing, don't you study for these drug tests or what?"

"Huh?" A puzzled LiLo Lohan asked.

"Ah never mind Ms. Lohan, I am sure it went over your drug rattled brain. Tell me are you and that other blonde bitch Paris Hilton ever gonna straighten up and stop acting like some cheap ass, low-life, crack ho's from the damn bad side of Harlem?"

Lohan told O'Reilly that she did not appreciate being compared to the ho's from the bad side of Harlem.

He laughed and apologized saying that he would like to retract his statement which he feels most certainly insulted the ho's of Harlem by comparing them to two of the Left Coasts biggest blonde substance abusers in the history of blonde substance abusers.

Lohan told O'Reilly that she understands that he drinks three Martini's a day. He laughed and said that Martini's are not illegal and that furthermore what the hell he does is none of her effen business.

She told him to stop cussing because he ain't no Mel "From Hell" Gibson or David "Brewski" Hasselhoff.

O'Reilly told her that she and that Hilton slut both need to be locked up for a long, long time so that when they get out they will appreciate what being able to walk around freely means.

LiLo said that if she goes back to prison again, she has already made arrangements with some bro's from Watts in L.A. to help break her out of prison.

Bill asked her what her 'boyfriend' Samantha Ronson thinks about her possibly going back to jail. Lohan smiled, licked her lips, and told him that "Ronnie" has said that she will visit her everyday and bring her a Big Mac and fries with a strawberry milk shake.

In other news. Dancing With The Stars professional dancer Kym Johnson has already made it very clear to her celeb dance partner David Hasselhoff that if he touches her ass just one more time during their dance rehearsals she will grab his hand and bite the ever living hell out of it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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