Rush Limbaugh and Bible-Thumping Book Burner Go Way Back

Funny story written by Charpa93

Friday, 10 September 2010


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New information about Terry Jones, the Bible-thumping, Muslim-hating preacher from Gainesville, Florida is now just making the headlines. He was a high school classmate of Rush Limbaugh at Cape Central High School in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. Something Rush Limbaugh is surprisingly mum about. Reporters had to find out the hard way, by going online to and finding it out for themselves. They also found out that neither, Limbaugh nor Jones, the Bible-thumper, attended last year's 40th high school reunion.

Attempts to find someone from the class of '69 who remembers anything about either Limbaugh or Jones wasn't that hard as most people born in Cape Girardeau don't venture outside the comfort zone known as Missouri. However, finding someone who cared to talk about either person was another story. One person who graduated from Cape Central the same year, Hazel Parsons, was happy to sit down and give us some insight on why she thinks Terry Jones is adamant about burning the Quran and why Rush Limbaugh is trying to distance himself from Jones.

When asked if Parsons knew either man, she replied, "Hi, my name is Hazel. I am from Missoura. What is your name?" Attempts to get her to remember Rush Limbaugh met with confusion as Hazel went on to ask "When do you think they're gonna let me outta here? It's been a long time since I seen my ma and pa. Hi, I'm Hazel. I am from Missoura."

Combing through the archives of Cape Central's school newspaper yielded better results and it is speculated that the reason Limbaugh didn't remember Jones is that both men ran with different crowds. One preferred to hang out with pot smokers, while the other had friends whose parents were pretty well hooked up with prescription pain killers. It's easy to see why Rush Limbaugh is not able to make the connection of Terry Jones the classmate with Terry Jones the Quran burner; his high school days were a bit of a haze.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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