TV's Alice Roberts Keeps Clothes On!

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 26 August 2010


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An archaeologist with clothes on.

Thinking man's TV crumpet Alice Roberts is facing a viewers' backlash over her new archaeology show.

In the show, Digging for Britain, Dr Roberts visits archaeological sites around Britain and discusses the historical facts they reveal.

But viewers are disappointed she's been presenting the show with her clothes on!

The presenter - known for Coast and The Incredible Human Journey - is an anatomist and anthropologist. She was last seen in Wild Swimming in which she swam in lakes and rivers around Britain.

At her last location, a moorland lake, she went for a skinny dip.

Bernard Frot, membership secretary of a Dr Roberts's fan club, said: "We thought that was the signal for greater things to follow. The scene was coyly shot and we were denied the obvious delight of seeing anything.

"It's clear that Alice has been leading up to getting her kit off in front of the camera. To be honest, we thought it might happen in Human Journey - after all our ancient ancestors didn't have clothes and we were expecting her to go in for a bit of authenticity.

"She often teases on Coast, wearing those flimsy vest-tops on the beach. Wild Swimming had all our members interested - several asked me for copies and I said would knock one out for them. When she donned a swimsuit we thought it wouldn't be long before the kit came off.

"Digging for Britain is a step backwards, because archaeology isn't something you think of as being done nude.

"We reckon she's probably waiting for a role in a TV drama, where stripping would be an essential part of the plot. So we're contacting TV writers and producers asking them to help her realise this ambition.

"If nothing happens soon some of us are talking about transferring our affections to TV historian Bettany Hughes - she looks like she might be well up for getting them out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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