TV Bosses' Horror At CSI:Miami Ratings Slump

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

image for TV Bosses' Horror At CSI:Miami Ratings Slump
Ms Duquesne's work clothes

TV bosses are seeking urgent talks with the makers of the hit US TV series CSI:Miami in a desperate bid to get ratings back up to their previous high.

The show, which airs in the UK on Tuesdays, and again on Thursday, then the previous Monday and every other Saturday, reached a spectacular viewing high last year with nearly 62 million viewers every week - more than the entire population.

It follows the adventures of Lt Horatio Caine and his colleagues in the Miami-Dade Crime Scene Investigation unit.

But the new season has been a big disappointment for the bosses as they watch viewing figures plummet to virtually zero. Last night's was the sixth episode of the new season.

"It's quite clear what the problem is," said a senior channel executive. "There have been too many changes in the tried-and-tested format between the last season and this new eighth season."

He explained that one of the most common viewers' complaints is that before the opening credits, Horatio Caine has not been making a pithy observation to be followed immediately by Roger Daltrey screaming 'Yeaaaaaaah!' from the show's theme 'Won't Get Fooled Again.'

It also hasn't gone down well that Caine leaves his shades off more than he used to, and that he doesn't interrogate people sideways on while looking at the floor.

"People still like the show's old pulling points - like investigators not wearing overalls over their white clothes at blood-spattered murder scenes, Calleigh Duquesne's southern belle accent and the weird-coloured skies.

"But we are seeking urgent talks with the American producers to ensure that the show will be returning to its old values - there's still more than two-thirds of the series left to run and our advertisers are not happy."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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