Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Sunday, 15 August 2010

image for Flog It Fracas Over Bonkers Sampler

TV antiques nice guy Paul Martin was left stunned yesterday after a couple accused him cheating and disrupted filming of his popular afternoon show "Flog It" in north London.

The trouble started when the show's producer asked Paul to do a "with the waiting crowd" piece as back-up footage. He saw Ken and Liz Bonkers who were holding what looked like one of his regular favourites, a needlework sampler, and made a beeline for them.

"He started chatting to us," said Mr Bonkers, "and asked Liz about the sampler. But when he looked at it closely he got all rude with our Liz, saying that it wasn't very good quality and probably wasn't worth very much.

"Well our Liz spent hours doing it while we watched 'Midsomer Murders' last week and she wasn't going to take this lying down."

"I wasn't going to take it lying down," Mrs Bonkers added. "I said to him, I said: 'I know your game, mate. You're gonna say it's only worth a few bob, buy it off me and make a mint at auction for yourself. I wasn't born yesterday, mate! I've seen you with these before, you love them - tatty old efforts with holes in them can get hundreds of pounds. What's wrong with this one? It's perfect.'"

According to witnesses the Bonkers became agitated and had to be restrained after they broke the milk jug in a Clarice Cliff "Bizarre" coffee set belonging to another couple. Something of a fracas apparently broke out with the other couple demanding £2,000 compensation.

A spokesman for Mr Martin told The Spoof: "Paul is very sorry for any offence he may have caused Mr and Mrs Bonkers, he insists he gave an honest appraisal.

"The sampler Mrs Bonkers presented was clearly a recent work and was even made using a needlework kit that can be bought in any high street hobby store - like a painting-by-numbers set for stitching."

Mrs Bonkers added last night: "This isn't the end of it. Oh no! I'm taking this on Dickinson's Real Deals - that'll show Mr La-de-da Flog It."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: TV, Antiques

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