BEVERLY HILLS - Paula Abdul had just returned from shopping on Rodeo Drive when she stopped to talk to her long time landscaper Vicente Relampago, Jr.
Vicente asked her if now that Ellen DeGeneres had been fired if she would be getting her old job back.
Paula replied that she had no idea that DeGeneres had been fired.
Vicente replied, "Oh jes, Mees Paula, eat ease all ober juTube, the Fux Network, ESPPN, and dee Weather Shannel."
Abdul asked Vicente if he knew why Ellen had been dismissed from the show.
Vicente got a puzzled look on is face.
Paula asked if he had understood her.
"Jes, I hear what ju sey but Mees Paula I drop out of dee second grade when I was eleven and so I dun't know da big word dees...meesed.
Abdul giggled. She apologized and said, "Forgive me Vicente, I asked if you knew why Paula had been terminated."
Vicente's eyes got the size of ping pong balls.
Paula noticed his frustration and quickly told him that she was just merely pulling his leg.
Vicente got a very happy look on his face. He smiled, combed his hair, and said, "Wow. Mees Paula I had no idea dat ju wanted tu play hide dee chorizo (sausage) wiff me.
Lemmy sey dat I am berry, berry how jus sey...flattered. But I hab tu finitch putting in dee pansies and den I will go up to jur bedroom and I will make dee American pinata between jur legs scream wiff joy, happiness, and cheer pleasure.
Abdul fainted. When she woke up 30 minutes later she was in her bed underneath the covers. She looked under the covers and noticed that she was not wearing anything. She then moved the covers away from Vicente and he also was totally nude.
Vicente was smoking a Camel Cigarette and watching So Who Wants To Be A Bullfighter on the Telemundo Spanish Network on her big screen TV.
"Vicente." Paula asked. "Did I...I mean did ju...dammit I mean to say, did you do something to me that I should know about?"
"Oh jes Mees Paula. Ju were jelling and screaming, and chouting, but dun't worry all dee bad words ju were telling tu me I hab hurd before.
But tell me Mees Paula what duz eat mean when ju jelled out 'Vincy...baby gib me otro orgasm. I mean I know dat otro means another but what does orgasm mean."
Paula fainted again. When she woke up, Vicente handed her a glass of Sangria Wine and some Fritos. He then looked at her with romance in her eyes and said, "And Paula my sweet, little, deelishus, dumpling delight, I want ju tu know dat I do not care about no stinkin' pre-nup. I just wannna lub ju for dee wonderful, sexy, caring, rich, senora dat ju are.
SIDENOTE: Paula made Vicente promise that he would never reveal to anyone what had happened. She told him that she would extend his one year landscaping contract through 2015, buy him a case of Dos Equis Beer, give him $20,000 in cash, and agree to give him a kiss on the lips at least twice a month.