Kara DioGuardi Sobs and Says She Plans To Sue American Idol

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 2 August 2010

image for Kara DioGuardi Sobs and Says She Plans To Sue American Idol
Kara DioGuardi, at 39, is still one heck of a good looking 'senora.' (Photo courtesy of Ellen DeGeneres).

MALIBU BEACH - Kara DioGuardi was sitting in her $3.8 million beach home sipping on a Pomegranate Margarita and talking to her maid Sushi Ling.

DioGuardi told Sushi that she still cannot believe that she had been fired from American Idol. Miss Ling told her, "Mees D, you no worry girlfriend. Dey call back and dey will aporragize."

Kara said that she felt like she had been 'Pearl Harbored.' She quickly realized what she had said and she apologized to Shushi.

Miss Ling said, "Dat okay Mees D. I know dat you onry say it cause right now your mind is pretty much frucked up."

Kara smiled for a moment and then said that with Simon (Cowell) out of the picture and the lesbianite (Ellen) gone that she really felt that she had it made in the shade as they say down in sunny Florida.

She said that she had even asked the shows producer Simon Shindlebocker for a hell of a raise, kind of like Paula "The Laker Girl" Abdul did just before she got fired.

DioGuardi said that she figured that with Simon and Ellen gone, there was no way that they could afford to let her or Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson go.

She thought for a moment and then she said that they should actually have let "The Black Dawg" go because all he ever says anymore is the word pitchy. She said that last season she actually counted all the times that Jackson said the word and it came out to 19.4 times a show.

And so now, Ms. DioGuardi, she of the roaming hands, the heavy hormonal heaves, and the under the table Simon Cowell crotch caressing is gone.

And the New York native could very well end up joining Paula Abdul in the Land of the Forgotten Greedy American Idol Judges.

She did confide to her maid Sushi Ling that she will be contacting the offices of her attorneys Dwellmeister, Doublekiss, Howldrifter & McUtensil and filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against American Idol.

In a related story. The word on the street in Fort Worth is that DioGuardi's Texas Cowboy Toy Casey James called up Kara and offered her one or both of his shoulders to cry on. Kara reportedly remarked that she'd rather cry on his (blank). Casey laughed and told her that he will be booking a flight to Malibu Beach and that he will certainly let her cry on his (blank) and also that he promises that he will never again call her a hormone crazed 'Cougar.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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