London bus driver Theopholis Papadopuolos McMurphy today re-ignited the controversy over whether or not Lady Gaga has a penis, by tossing a new theory into the mix.
McMurphy postulated the theory that Lady Gaga's penis isn't really a penis at all, but that it could be an overdeveloped clitoris, which stands out like a sore thumb.
He said that since allegations were made about Gaga being a fully paid up, card carrying member of the 'I've Got A Cock' club - or possibly a hermaphrodite (upon which the phrase "Go fuck yourself" was originally based) he had conducted extensive research, in order to get to the root of the problem.
Mrs McMurphy stated that her bus-driving husband had spent hours trawling internet porno sites in his tireless quest to establish the truth.
The search yielded no fruit, until McMurphy utiliised the 'sticky keys' app on his laptop, and subsequently stumbled on a 1980 porn archive which featured the actress Fanny Von Clackertwatt - who had an overdeveloped clitoris.
"Like a big pink finger it was, if the pictures are real," McMurphy told me. "S'easy to see how it could be mistaken for a cock if it was sticking out from some underwear or something. Not a very big cock, granted, but you can see where the misinterpretation came from."
McMurphy, whose findings will be published next month in esteemed medical journal, 'The Scalpel,' was sacked by The London Bus Company after being caught wanking in his cab outside the crematorium gates on his night bus run. For the fifth time in a month.
He is reportedly considering a career as an after dinner speaker, or doing the lecture circuit.
One of Lady Gaga's people dismissed the findings as 'a load of old bollocks' and threatened me with a good kicking if I perpetuated the myth that Lady Gaga is really a man, or that she has anything abnormally wrong with her minge.
More as I make it up.
