Kara DioGuardi Devastated Over American Idol's Simon Cowell Leaving The Show

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 27 May 2010

image for Kara DioGuardi Devastated Over American Idol's Simon Cowell Leaving The Show
Kara DioGuardi shown in her Hollywood Hills home writing the new theme song to The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

HOLLYWOOD - American Idol's prettiest judge, Kara DioGuardi is said to be totally devastated at the fact that her fellow judge and touchy-touchy, feely-feely judges desk mate has quit the show.

Cowell said that he hates to leave the show because the job is really a piece of cake, and the $44 million yearly salary made it all so worthwhile.

But he said that he will go on to bigger and better things. He paused and pointed out that no he is not talking about Heidi Montag and her ridiculously gigantic plastic-filled hooters.

Cowell will start implementing his plans for his brand new show X-Factor, which will be based on his British show X-Factor.

The premise of the show is basically the same as American Idol with the exception that there is no age limit, no gender restrictions, and gays and lesbians are welcome to compete as long as they don't try and put the make on any of the other contestants.

Cowell was asked if he plans to use the same name, he answered "Probably not. If I may be honest, I may call it Y-Factor, but I'll just have to see cause after all it is strictly my decision."

When Cowell was told about Kara being heartbroken at his leaving he responded by saying that he knew she would take it the hardest, even harder than his BFF Ryan Seacrest.

Simon said that most people do not know it, but Kara actually asked him to marry her. He said that he turned her down for several reasons. One, he is already engaged to marry ex-Afghani freedom fighter Mezhgan Hussainy. Two, he wants to marry a non-American. And three, he hates the perfume that Kara wears, which he says is her own line, called Scent of A Songwriter.

Kara was having breakfast at El Senor Panchito's Breakfast Taco Diner Numero 7, in Pasadena when she was asked to comment on Simon Cowell's leaving. She put down her carne guisada and broccoli breakfast taco, started weeping, and said, "Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo, who knew? boo hoo, boo hoo."

The manager, Lorenzo McBurrito, walked over and asked her if she was alright. Kara could not answer. He then asked if she had perhaps found a hair or something in her carne guisada and broccoli breakfast taco?

Kara shook her head in a negative manner. He then asked if she had found some gristle, or if the broccoli had lint on it?

Again Kara shook her head as if to say no.

The manager then told her that he would get her a 'to go' box for her three tacos and a 'to go' cup for her Coca Cola Zero.

Kara told him that she was okay. He then told her that he wanted her to leave because she was scarring the hell out of the customers who all figured that she had found something in her damn tacos.

In a related story. Ellen DeGeneres was asked if she plans on returning to next year's American Idol. She smiled and said that she wants to but the producers are not sure because they say that she was not as funny as they hoped she would be. She did say that they have asked her if she would mind very much maybe once in a while wearing a very short somewhat revealing dress or perhaps even a nice pair of Daisy Duke short shorts to try and draw in more of the lesbian audience.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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