Lost Angeles, CA - A disappointed crowd was on hand when they learned that a last-minute change to the star-studded American Idol finale meant that U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, would not be appearing as expected. Taking her place at the last moment was Ms. Janet "Nasty" Jackson. While the crowd was less than enthusiastic, they seemed to tolerate the change with a modicum of displeasure.
Ms. Napolitano was scheduled to perform a medley of her press conference speeches to a background of Simon and Garfunkle classics sung by the entire group of season nine singers dressed in the American color scheme. "To say we were disappointed at the last-minute change is an understatement," said Crystal Bowersox. "This was literally going to be the highlight of my evening. You know, nothing against Ms. Jackson, but wow, Janet Napolitano, wow."
When the program change was announced directly before the show, quite a few audience members left the theater and took up a picket line outside but were quickly dispersed. Meanwhile, before the show officially began, Janet Napolitano appeared via satellite feed from New Orleans, Louisiana to apologize for bowing out of the festivities.
"I know how much you were all looking forward to hearing my riveting speech medley this evening, and I really appreciate that, but unfortunately, I have this oil spill thing going on right now and find it would seem a bit improper to shun my duties as Secretary of Homeland Security at such a critical time. Best of luck Lee and Crystal and may the best contestant win. I'm sure that other Janet person will do a fine job of filling in."
While no ticket refunds were issued, those complaining of the last-minute change were given a voucher to go online to www.janetnapolitanoamidol.com and cash it in for a complete CD set of all Ms. Napolitano speeches, formal as well as informal.