HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Production Company in association with Lionsdoor Pictures has just signed Britney Spears to appear in the Allesandro Fiafatanelli film Bikini Girl Flaunts Her Yum Yum.
The motion picture will be shot in Cancun, Mexico and will co-star Dakota Fanning, Taylor Lautner, Kelly Osbourne, Roger Clemens, and 603 pound Gabourney Sidibe, who will star as Shamu II, the over-sized orca whale who escapes from the Gulf of Mexico and ends up in Cancun's Mar del Mundo (Sea World).
In order to get the feel of just exactly who "Bikini Girl" really is Britney said that she spent two weeks living with Katrina Darrell, but not in a lesbian way.
Spears said that she learned some interesting things from Kit-Kat as her grandmother calls her.
Britney said that she learned "Bikini Girl" puts chapstick on both her labia majora and labia manora in order to keep them from slapping together and making a strange groin sound that can best be described as an extremely loud lap clap.
"Bikini Girl" also refuses to eat anything that begins with the letter "W" such as walnuts, waffles, or watermelon. When pressed she blushes big time and admits that she does not have a problem eating wieners.
In other news. The state of Arkansas has just banned public breastfeeding; the mandate does include trailer house porches, family picnics, and non-marital acts of coitus.