HOLLYWOOD - Past American Idol winner Fantasia "Lets Givem Chumtin Ta Talk About" Barrino performed. I guess it was Fantasia, the whole top portion of her short Africanized 'do' fell down and it completely covered her eyes to the point that if it had not been for her ample droopers to guide us it would have been hard to tell if Fanny was comin' or goin'.
Daughtry then sang and showed that he is without a doubt the best fourth place finisher in American Idol's history. Past winners such as Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard have all but disappeared from the musical radar screen but Daughtry is one kick-ass band.
And then it was Bon Jovi who sang one of their hits from back in the 50's I think it was either "The Theme From I Love Lucy" or "The Theme From Peter Gunn."
Bon Jovi's lead guitarist Richie Sambora, at the age of 63, can still pluck the guitar strings. Sambora in 2006 was named Guy Weekly Magazine's "Stupidest Husband of The Year" for divorcing the gorgeously gorgeous Heather Locklear.
And then the show got around to the four remaining contestants. Earlier, about ten seconds into the show, the cowboy from Fort Worth, Texas, Casey "Kara's Boy Toy" James had been saved.
Now, it was time to save another one of the cuatro (four) remaining contestants. And the next 'safe' singer was Lee DeWyze who I think was happy. With Lee it is hard to tell if he is happy or sad, up or down, over or across, or here or there.
And then Ryan talked to Ellen who made about six lesbian jokes, "a woman walks into her gay gynecologist's office and blah blah blah blah blah."
Randy "The Dawg" Jackson was unusually quiet. I think the boy may have had some gas. Kara amazingly pretty much kept her hands to herself, except during the third commercial when she reached down underneath the judges table and grabbed herself a little bit of Simon's 'Little Simon' just for old times sake.
Simon Cowell, The Viceroy of Venom, pretty much kept a low profile, since his fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy told him that she would be watching from her mom's home in Afghanistan and if she saw him flirting with Kara she would probably end up putting quite a hurt on Simon's 'Little British Chap.'
And so now it was down to Crystal "MamaSox" Bowersox and Big Mike "The Black Island" Lynche. Well the decision was a 'no-brainer.' It was kind of like okay lets see who will win between the last place Detroit Lions (2-14) or the Super Bowl Champs The New Orleans Saints (13-3).
Big Mike was sent packing back to St. Pete, Florida. Mike cried, his wife cried, their brand new baby cried, and Ryan cried because once again Big Mike had squeezed the ever livin' daylights out of his back.
And so now there are three singers left. And for next week the trio was to have sung songs that were written and performed by lesbians but due to a complaint from the ever bitchy Madonna, the theme will be changed to 'The songs of The Barenaked Ladies.'
