Jack Tweed Arrested For Shitting In A Sandwich

Written by Aisubeki Akiudo

Tuesday, 22 December 2009


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Rub-A-Dub-Dub, There's A Turd In My Sub.

Police last night arrested Jack Tweed on suspicion of acts against public decency. HE was taken in by Snaresbrook Police in Essex following complaints from local residents and shopkeepers.

The 22 year old widower of dead beached whale Jade 'Fat Cunt' Goody was collared after locals had reportednly seen him going into a Subway snadwich shop and 'shitting a slimy turd' in an innocent customer's footlong baguette.

"I'd only just had the sandwich freshly made", explained the victim, Vikram Solanki, 28 of Wanstead.

"I'd been dying all day for a foot long Meatball Marinara on honey and oat bread. It came out fresh and as I sat down to tuck in, that fellow gave me something far fresher - I steamy eight inch poo complete with sweetcorn, and remnants of red capsicum skin. I was rather miffed", Solanki added.

Friends of Tweed explained that he was not feeling 'himself' for many 'reasons', and that his judgement was poor due to unfortunate chemical 'imbalances'.

Tweed will appear at Snaresbrook Magistrates Court in a fortnight. According to many - 'He should be a season ticket holder down there'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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