An emergency meeting was held last night to discuss what to do after several of the housemates on this year's Big Brother show complained that they had been 'bothered' by what two of them sensationally described as 'the ghost of Jade Goody'.
Goody, dead, was a celebrity institution, and appeared on the show whenever viewing figures were flagging, but became even more famous by dying of cancer in 2009, in the full gory glare of media publicity.
She made a reality TV show with her husband and sons in her own house, so that her adoring 'fans' could see her sad demise, and celebrate the life of the Essex tramp turned TV icon.
Last Tuesday, an unnamed Big Brother housemate said he was visiting the toilet for a crap, when he heard someone whisper:
It was claimed it was the voice of Goody.
Then, on Wednesday, a female member of the housemates was brushing her hair in front of the bedroom mirror, when she 'felt' a presence in the room. When she turned around, the room was empty, but she heard someone say:
"You slag! Oiy yoosta rav 'air!"
She fled the scene, and went straight to the Diary Room to tell Big Brother.
The news that 'Goody may be back' was cynically announced this morning so that millions of gullible viewers will tune in to the show at a time when viewing figures are at an all-time low.