LOS ANGELES - In a move that many in the know knew was coming, Simon Cowell's fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy has asked the county court of Los Angeles to place a restraining order on American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi.
Hussainy, who is an ex-Afghani freedom fighter, stated that she just simply got fed up, embarrassed, and downright offended at the 'school girl' antics that DioGuardi was exhibiting towards her future husband on the nationally televised reality show.
Hussainy claims in her petition that Ms. DioGuardi, who is 39, has openly, willingly, intentionally, purposely, and shamelessly flirted, enticed, and beguiled one Simon Cowell, aged 50, resident of Beverly Hills, California; London, England; and Dubai, India.
The petition further states that Ms. DioGuardi asks that the 'flirter' aka DioGuardi be prohibited from touching, fondling, or rubbing up against Mr. Simon Cowell's body and especially his wiener and the twins, in any way, shape, or form, or risk being taken into custody, arrested, and remanded to the Los Angeles County jail.
Cowell's 36-year-old future wife was asked if she was pleased with the petition. She replied that she was thrilled and literally as happy as a fly in a garbage landfill.
Miss Hussainy went on to say that she could not believe the unmitigated gall that Ms. DioGuardi had exhibited in the wanton way she rubbed herself all over her fiance's body.
"And the New York bitch did it before 20 million American viewers" noted Hussainy.
Ellen DeGeneres said that she totally supported Mezhgan and that Kara's physical antics stemmed form the mid-life raging hormones that are stirring up inside of DioGuardi's libidinous cervix.
Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson laughed and said that he just simply got fed up with Kara's playfully pitchy voice as she would reach underneath the Judges desk and latch onto Simon's groin dangler.
Meanwhile Ryan Seacrest merely stated that Simon was just a big sissy boy who had to run and tell his fiancée that big bad Kara was playing with his little winky and he just could not get her to stop.
In a related story. The government of Afghanistan has just named Mezhgan Hussainy it's 2010 Woman of the Year. Hussainy will receive 1.4 million Dabbalingkies [$170 U.S.], the keys to the city of Kabul, and the finest two-humped camel in the entire country.
