Crystal Bowersox Wants To Quit American Idol

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Crystal Bowersox Wants To Quit American Idol
Crystal has always enjoyed performing in her bare feet.

HOLLYWOOD - Word coming from the American Idol camp is that this year's most popular contestant Crystal Bowersox wants to quit the reality show.

When asked why she would want to quit when it appears almost certain that she will be crowed the 2010 American Idol winner, Bowersox simply shrugged her shoulders.

Crystal grew up on a farm in Ohio. She says that she had no idea that she would miss the farm so bad. Bowersox said that she misses milking the cows, slopping the pigs, picking the cotton, and denutting the chickens.

She laughed and said that she has always been very shy performing in front of crowds. She added that before she got picked to appear on American Idol she had only performed in front of farm animals, farm equipment, and Grandpa Noolin Bowersox, 87, and his lifelong mistress Amanda Fernie Fecklefiddy, 89.

Bowersox said that most people do not know it, but when she performs she cannot help but pee in her britches. Crystal, which rhymes with Pistol (pun intended) pointed out that she wears Depends so that the wetness does not show.

But Crystal noted that last week Ryan Seacrest told her that he knows that she goes number one in her pants because he can smell that distinct ammonia smell after each time that she finishes performing her songs.

Seacrest said that one week, Randy "The Dawg" Jackson turned to Ellen DeGeneres, after Bowersox had finished performing, and asked what the hell that urine smell was. Ellen replied that it was probably old "Hormonal" Kara just panting after Simon again.

So as of right now. Crystal is not sure from one week to the next, if her next performance will be her last. She smiled and said that when she is performing on the farm back home, the damn chickens and the effen sheep do not give one tinker's damn if she effen pees in her jeans or not.

In related urinary news. Big Mike Lynche has confessed that he too pees while he is performing. Lynche said that what he does is just wear an industrial sized athletic cup so that no one can tell that he has gone wee-wee in his size XXXL boxer shorts.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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