HOLLYWOOD - And THIS is American Idol. Ruben Studdard performed. Usher Performed. And so did Diddy Dirt Money. It was amazing that Seacrest and da folks managed to find time to deal with the bottom three.
The bottom three this week was comprised of Katie Stevens, the 16-year-old who looks like she could be related to Brooke Shields.
Tim Urban, who received the coveted American Idol Smiling Award.
And Didi Benami who has cried more than any other contestant in the entire nine year history of American Idol, including The Puerto Rican whaling banshee Tatiana Del Toro.
So the bottom three were comprised of Stevens, Urban, and Benami...SUB as in Subway; talk about your obvious product placement.
Katie was informed by Seacrest that she was safe. And so it came down to "Smilin' Tim" or "Cryin' Didi."
Ryan asked Tim why it is that he is always smiling, even when Simon Cowell and the other judges are cutting him down about his performance.
Tim smiled and said that he was not aware that he was smiling so much and asked Ryan if smiling is illegal or what?
Seacrest said that it was not unless one is doing it with a knife in ones hand.
Cowell then asked Didi if she has ever run out of bloomin' tears. Didi started crying and answered "No."
So the moment of truth finally arrived. Ryan said to dim the lights. The music got louder. Kara got closer to Simon. And then Seacrest spoke "The one going home tonight is...Didi Benami."
She immediately started crying. Ryan handed her the microphone telling her to sing us out. Didi grabbed the mic and said, "No Ryan. Thanks but no thanks. I have just been informed that I have lost. America did not like me. The viewers basically are saying that I suck.
And you want me to get all cheerful and sing. Nope. No sir. It ain't gonna friggin happen. Singing is about the last thing that I want to do right now, if you don't mind Ryan.
I tell you what dude. You sing us out. Hell you'll be back next week. And so will Randy The Black Dawg, and so will Simon The Royal Dude of Rude and Kara, Miss Raging Hormones, who just cannot keep her paws off of Simon. And of course Ellen, ah Ellen...The Lesbian from Louisiana what can I say. No Ryan, sorry dude, but I ain't singing shit."
[AND THE CREDITS START TO ROLL].
SIDENOTE: Next week the nine remaining American Idol contestants will be singing songs by Lennon and McCartney. And the following week they will sing songs by Ricky "Sissy Britches" Martin.
