Girls Aloud bikini-babe Sarah Harding almost made it as a satirical news target today, as news broke that she was going to have the bollocks lopped off her pet French Bulldog, Claude - who will undoubtedly feel well clawed by the time the vet has done with him.
But after careful consideration, editorial staff at Skoob News elected not to run the story, on the grounds of good taste, and in order to prevent our male readers from squirming too much.
It must be admitted that there was a degree of comic potential in the story, but Claude won't be finding it at all funny when he wakes up from the anaesthetic this weekend to find a gaping void where once his sturdy spuds hung.
Sarah Harding was furious when we decided to drop the story, and she called us on our land line to tell us so. She was adamant that if we didn't run the castration story, then we should at least run the one about her freezer breaking down and flooding the kitchen. But frankly, that story wasn't very good either.
Eventually we agreed to reveal that Claude, the French Bulldog (?) (Do the French have bulldogs? Or was Sarah Harding reversing the roles, and taking the piss out of us?) had been biting people. Hacking his bollocks off for that seems to us like a disproportionate response.
We'd have been far happier to report that Sarah Harding was caught naked performing a pornographic sex act with the dog while ex-troubled footballer turned TV pundit Stan Collymore snapped away with a mobile phone.
To later upload the shots he'd taken onto a dogger's website.
But sadly, that didn't happen.