Jennifer Lopez Favors Fruit Diet!

Funny story written by Morgan Truce

Monday, 5 December 2005

image for Jennifer Lopez Favors Fruit Diet!

"My butt was getting way too big!" exclaimed Jennifer Lopez. The actress/singer -- also known as J-Lo to millions of fans - parked her well formed derriere on a comfortable chair in the offices of and began answering several questions posed by our reporter.

Morgan Truce: "Jennifer, is it true that your back side is insured for 2 million dollars?"

Jennifer Lopez: "That's insulting! It's worth WAY more than that; I have an insurance policy on it for $40 million, and my financial advisor thinks I should get even more insurance coverage. Some people don't think that I can sing or act very well, so… I'd better take good care of what I do have!"

Morgan Truce: "I saw you in ‘Anaconda'. The snake was awesome!"

Jennifer Lopez: "Well, thank you very much. You know, I worked very hard rehearsing for that part. It was very embarrassing for me to be upstaged by a snake - even if it was a really big one. It was during one of the action scenes that I noticed my butt was getting in the way. So I decided to start losing some weight."

Morgan Truce: "Tell us about your hat, Jennifer."

Jennifer Lopez: "Well, ever since I was a little girl I was a big fan of Carmen Miranda. She was a very famous Latina actress from the 1940's who made this kind of hat famous. I decided that I could lose a lot of weight if I went on a fruit diet… so I just started wearing this hat! Whenever I get hungry, I just pick some fruit off the hat and eat it!"

Morgan Truce: "Well maybe you'll start some kind of fad. You might make more money selling hats than you make as an actress! But what I really wanted to know is if it's true that for a recent AIDS charity event you demanded in writing a 45 foot trailer stocked with white flowers, white tablecloths, white sheets, white drapes, white couches, white candles, and unlimited supplies of raspberry and lemon Snapple, papayas, pineapples, grapes, chocolate chip cookies, and apple pie a la mode?" SERRO.jpg

This is a picture of the
trailer that Jennifer Lopez
rejected. "It was way too
small for my butt!"

Jennifer says, "This 43 foot long Holliday Rambler is the smallest thing I can squeeze my butt into. I'm more comfortable in a 45, but the 43 will do in an emergency. Of course, everything inside must be white! Uh... do you by any chance have some apple pie a-la-mode? With vanilla ice cream?"

Arthur Schaeffer of Boca Raton, Florida says: "It didn't feel like it was worth anywhere near $40 million to me. I hope J-Lo does well in the diet business. Her records and movies stink!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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