Ronald Weinland - One of two of God's prophets - tells of Jesus returning

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

image for Ronald Weinland - One of two of God's prophets - tells of Jesus returning
Give us this day our daily bread, even if it's sliced.

I've been doing some serious research since reading and writing about Jesus wanting to be President. It appears that 2012 is in his diary, but it's for a different reason.

That's how rumours get started. This should teach us all to do our research before we type.

I've just been listening to a radio interview by one (of two) of God's Prophets here on earth, Ron Weinland who is also a published author (go figure!). He is 'kinda sure' Jesus is coming back on May 27th 2012. Run out and buy his books in order to swell his bank balance and ego.

This says to me that if Jesus IS real (cough!) Jesus is planning to enjoy his stay and will be, probably be attending the Summer Olympics during his visit. That means he will be appearing to people who are in England at the time.

A special note: Book your flights NOW!

The thing of it is, Weinland said 'God' had told him, a while ago, that the world would end in 2008. Seems God changed his mind, as he does on many occasions. Well he IS God. He can do what he likes. Weinland said as much in his radio interview (one of many) although I am paraphrasing of course.

When Ron was asked WHEN these Revelations come to him and HOW, Ron wouldn't give an answer. I wonder what medications he's on.

He also said that God's making changes constantly, in his plans, in order to give us more time to get prepared for what is to befall us, or even 'get us all to change for the better' and so save this sorry world of ours.

I've been doing a lot of research lately and found out that I AM TO BLAME FOR THE STATE OF THE WORLD TODAY.

This is what I read on one Prayer site:

"We need only to pray and ask him to come in and rule in our hearts and lives.

Simply talk to God and say, "Thank you, God, for loving me and sending your Son to die on the cross for the wrongs I have done. I now choose to make Jesus the Lord of my life. Help me to be the kind of person that You want me to be. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

I was supposed to click a box under the prayer to answer YES if I had said the prayer.

I was curious what might happen if I DID press it. Maybe I'd get a vision or something. I didn't bother to press it in the end because I thought it might be the DONATION BUTTON from a former fansite I belonged to, disguised as a YES-I- prayed-button and they're not getting their hands on a penny of my cash..


Apparently, Weinland said that "God has taken away our blessings".

Well isn't that special? Because I know some women who are throwing them around like rice at a wedding. Where did they get them from if God's taken them away from us?

They must have a 'hoarding disorder'. They've probably been hoarding them for years because they guessed he might take their blessings back someday. Mind you, they might know Ron Weinland personally. He's probably wearing a red scarf as I type. TIME FOR AN INTERVENTION.
More to come as I continue my research on this phenomenon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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