Kristen Stewart NOT Allergic To Robert Pattinson's Penis

Written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

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The Truth Is Out There.

Kristen Stewart acted swiftly today to absolutely deny internet reports which claimed that she was allergic to Robert Pattinson's penis.

The actor, Bella in the Twilight franchise to RobPattz's Edward Cullen said that she had an idea that the internet had been blitzed with the penis allergy reports after similar reports claiming that RobPattz was allergic to vaginas almost caused the internet to overload Tuesday.

"It's counterpoint reporting," a friend of a friend told me. "Some web geek has seen the effect of the vagina allergy story and decided to turn it around on Kristen, making her allergic to RobPattz's pork sword."

A nodding acquaintance of Kristen's told me:

"As far as we know, Kristen isn't allergic to Rob's penis, or anybody else's penis. At least not as far as we're aware. I would guess that penis/vagina allergies are pretty rare anyway. That is if such a thing exists."

Friends of Stewart and RobPattz expressed amazement that such scurrilous claims could be put in the public domain by unscrupulous 'entertainment news' type websites, with one telling me:

"I think Kristen would know if she was allergic to RobPattz's cock, hold it, that didn't come out right at all. I mean it's not like she's ever given him a blow job or anything...DAMN! Wait! I need to do this over again. can we start over?"

I thought that the point had been made and taken. So to all you unscrupulous web news harvesters out there:

ROBERT PATTINSON IS NOT ALLERGIC TO VAGINAS, AND KRISTEN STEWART IS NOT ALLERGIC TO ROBERT PATTINSON'S PENIS!

Furthermore, Kristen Stewart has NOT landed a leading role in the upcoming STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie and Robert Pattinson DOES NOT partake of sexual relations with his dog.

More as the idiots make it up.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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