SANTA MONICA, California - Cloris Leachman, who was a contestant two years ago on Dancing With The Stars, was sitting in the back yard of her $700,000 home in Santa Monica getting ready for an interview with Cindy Zwicky a reporter for FOOP, which is the Federation of Old People.
Zwicky asked Cloris how old she was. Cloris thought for a moment and answered that she really wasn't sure, since she did not have her notes with her. She grinned and then said that if she had to guess, she would say that she is somewhere between 85 and 97.
She said that she was trying to think back on her last birthday party and see if she could remember her age by trying to remember how many candles had been on her birthday cake.
Cloris said, "You know, it's really neat how the amount of candles on one's birthday cake is pretty much equal to the birthday boy or birthday girl's age."
Leachman was asked what she thought abut President Barack Obama. She got a puzzled look on her face and asked, "Barack Obama? You mean old "Comb-Over" McCain didn't win?"
When told that McCain had come in second, she asked, "Are you positively sure, I don't really read much these days."
Cloris was then asked about all of the Hollywood celebrity starlets of today getting botox, collagen injections, nips, snips, tucks, augmentations, and rejuvenations.
Leachman laughed and said that in her day, the only thing that an actress got done to her body was a hickey and that was while on the casting couch.
She remarked that she saw Priscilla Presley the other day and her lips looked like they had been bitten by a swarm of bees. She remarked that Joan Rivers looks like a space alien.
Cloris was asked if she had ever had anything done. She thought a moment and replied that she had probably had about 100 or so hickeys in her day, but it was only done to get a movie part and not because of love, or the fact that she was a slut, or anything like that.
She was then asked if she had ever had a vaginal rejuvenation. She asked what the hell that was. When told she almost fainted.
She was able to gain her composure and pointed out that, that was the most embarrassing question that she had ever been asked.
Cloris took a few minutes so that she could stop sweating. She then said "Let me tell you something, at my age, I don't give a flying eff what my yeastmill looks like, feels like, or tastes like. All I care about is whether it can still pee or not."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: And on that note the reporter fainted.]
