Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

image for X-Factor's Joe McElderry Reveals Three Intimate Secrets About Cheryl Cole
The house in Newcastle, England, where Cheryl Cole was born on June 30, 1983.

LONDON - The winner of this year's X-Factor, Joe McElderry has revealed three intimate secrets about X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole.

Cheryl Cole was young McElderry's mentor on the show and she seemed to take more than just a passing interest in the 19-year-old.

McElderry told a reporter for The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror that if Cheryl was not married to Ashley that he would ask her to marry him in a Manchester minute.

Young Joe said that Ms. Cole possesses every body part that a man his age could possibly want in a woman. A nice firm (blank), two gorgeous firm (blanks), an invitingly inviting (blank), and two long luscious legs.

McElderry told the newspaper reporter that there are three things that only he and Cheryl's husband Ashley know about Cheryl.

The first thing is that Cheryl has a habit of sleeping with both of her eyes open. McElderry said that when he first saw her sleeping with her eyes open it literally scared the 'ell (hell) out of him.

The second thing about Cheryl that no one knows about except for him and Ashley is that Cheryl insists that Ashley use two condoms whenever they have intimate relations.

Joe said that Cheryl does not want to get pregnant at the moment and she just does not want to take any chances.

And the third intimate secret about Cheryl is that Ashley's nickname for Cheryl's tuzzy muzzy is Little Miss Muffin.

In other news in the United Kingdom. The Walton Family, owners of the largest retail merchant chain in the world Wal-Mart have expressed an interest in purchasing Buckingham Palace. Queen Elizabeth II has informed the Walton Family that Bucky, as she and Prince Philip affectionately refer to Buckingham Palace, is not for sale at any price.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Cheryl Cole

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