LONDON - Cheryl Cole spent Christmas Day with her husband, lucky Ashley, reflecting on all that has happened to her so far this year.
Cheryl remarked that she's the third luckiest woman in the entire world. She stated that the first is Heather Mills, Sir Paul McCartney's ex-wife who walked away from being Mrs. Paul McCartney with several suitcases filled with £24.3 million [$37.7 million U.S.].
Cole noted that the second luckiest woman in the world is Elin Nordegren, aka Mrs. Tiger Woods, who when all of the sand trap sand settles will dash on back to Sweden with $684 million divided by two, for a right nice handsome sum of $342 million [£214.26 million U.K.]
And Cheryl, the British lass who Simon Cowell says has two of the prettiest perkiest (blanks) that he has ever seen, flat out states that she is holding the reins to her and Ashley's marriage.
Cheryl has stated in several British publications that she knows that she could get any man in Great Britain, except of course for Sir Elton John, Boy George, and Lady George Michael.
Ms. Cole says that her next goal is to hopefully feel like the Beatles must have felt back in 1964, when after winning the hearts of everyone in England they went on to conquer America and then the entire world.
Cheryl said that her nude calendar "Cheryl Cole's 12 Titillating Views" has officially just become the biggest selling calendar in the history of the United Kingdom.
And she pointed out that her follow up nude calendar, "Cheryl Cole The Pretty Possessor of Great Britain's Greatest Looking Playpen" is poised to surpass her first calendar sales within a matter of a few short weeks.
A reliable source in Zimbabwe said that Cheryl's first calendar completely sold out in all of Zimbabwe's news stands within 20 minutes.
Pirated calendars are being sold on the streets of Mutare, Zimbabwe for as much as 7,000 Zebalickies, which is the equivalent of $70 [£47.8 U.K.]
Plus she adds, everyone of her products is having sales that have literally shot through the roof. Her Chanel Cheryl Perfume was the number one Christmas perfume gift in 87 countries.
Cheryl Cole Designer Bras are being worn by women in 93 countries and by hundreds of males in West Hollywood.
The adult toy industry reports that the Official Cheryl Cole Commemorative Vibrator has out sold every other vibrator on the market including the John Holmes Well Ya Look At That Industrial Vibrator.
And the beer industry has noted that more men are getting drunk on Cheryl Cole's Cold Beer brand than any other brand, including, Bud Light, Coors, and Dos Equis combined.
Cheryl, who is a very intelligent woman with an IQ of 109, is no dummy and she realizes that every bit of her popularity is due to the fact that she took off her clothes and posed in the nude.
She remarked that as soon as England saw her cute little naked wim-wam (nookie) her popularity just simply skyrocketed.
And the woman about whom Russell Brand said has the most amazingly erotic looking (blank) that he has ever seen said that when she takes her nudity and nakedness to the shores of America she will become even more popular than the Beatles, Morecambe and Wise, Simon Cowell, Cat Deely, and Susan Boyle.
SIDENOTE: Cheryl recently had a phone conversation with Larry King. He asked her to give him three reasons why she poses in the nude so much. Little Cheryl did not miss a beat as she replied, "Money, money, money."
