The Swiss To Release Roman Polanski On $4.5 Million Bail - Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

image for The Swiss To Release Roman Polanski On $4.5 Million Bail - Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
An unidentified Swiss girl eating that country's main staple, chocolate.

GENEVA - A Swiss court has granted accused child-molester Roman Polanski bail of $4.5 million.

Roman Polanski, who had been denied bail due to the fact that he was a flight risk has reportedly given his word to the Swiss authorities that he will be a good boy and he promises not to run, flee, scram, or escape like he has done in the past.

And the vulnerable Swiss simply said, okay we believe you. After hearing that Polanski has been granted bail, Charles Manson immediately picked up the phone in his hotel room (jail cell) and called Governor Schwarzenegger and asked him if he could set bail for him so that he could get out of jail like Polanski is going to do.

The governor reportedly asked Manson if he was effen crazy, effen insane, or both.

Manson, who is a big fan of the TV game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire told the governor that he would like to use his 'phone-a-friend' lifeline. The governor replied, "Hell no!"

Manson then asked the governor if that was his final answer. Schwarzenegger told him that not only was that his final answer, but that he was going to tack on another two years to his sentence for arrogance, sarcasm, and for taking up his precious time, talking to him when he should be governing.

The prestigious world-wide survey agency Le World Survey Society Federation, which is based in Amsterdam stated that they asked over 400,000 people what they thought about the Swiss government's decision to let Roman Polanski out on bail.

Darby Garaficky of Duluth, Minnesota said that even though RoPo promised that he will not escape, he is lying. The A-hole simply wants to save his A-hole and he is certainly going to do that thanks to the legal generosity of the Swiss court.

Meltina Peppersauce of Milpitas, California said that the decision to set Polanski free can best be explained in three words, stupid! stupid! stupid!

Ms. Peppersauce's opinion was the exact opinion shared by 389,419 of the survey takers.

And Texas Governor Rick Perry who wanted the Swiss government to extradite RoPo to Texas so that he could be strapped into "Old Sparky" and barbecued said that he is one pissed off sh*t kickin' cowboy.

Perry told Larry King that apparently the Swiss government knows full well that Polanski will 'skedaddle' (vamoose) and forfeit the $4.5 million which will then conveniently go into the Swiss Treasury.

The governor said that if he had known that the Swiss government needed the money that bad he would have had his good friend and ex-baseball great Nolan Ryan lend it to them.

In related news. Reports are filtering in that if Roman Polanski is in fact released on bail, the South American countries of Uruguay and Paraguay will launch a joint full-scale assault on Switzerland.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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