Music Awards: Adam Lambert Performs Prime Time TV's First Musical Orgy

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 23 November 2009

image for Music Awards: Adam Lambert Performs Prime Time TV's First Musical Orgy
Adam Lambert being interviewed backstage at the Music Awards Show.

HOLLYWOOD - Well Madonna, Britney, and Christina can all move over Adamina, aka Adam Lambert's finale performance at the Music Award show came close to setting off every smoke alarm and smoke detector in the building.

The Nokia Theater was suddenly transformed into Lambert's Personal Dungeon of The Revolting Risque.

The show's censor is reportedly in the hospital being treated for musical shock, as well as first degree stress.

911 operators reported receiving a little over 90 calls from concerned audience members many who were so hysterical that they could not even be understood.

One of the calls was reportedly from actress Nicole Kidman who screamed into the phone, "Get the police over here quick and bring pepper spray, taser guns, and the dogs!"

The Adam Lambert Three Nose Ring Circus included such musical interludes as Mr. L. spinning around a leotard clad woman as if she were a roulette wheel. The ball landed on black 69.

He then did an old Death Valley Days 20-Mule Team imitation using two human slaves which could best be described as "Bonanza Bondage Comes To Town."

And just to make sure that all bases were covered, the number also included an act that falls in the category of a simulated BJ simulatingly being performed by a quite animated "lady."

And then the self-proclaimed "Entertainer" decided that it was time for him to show the nation's professional pole dancers how it is done as "Lamby" went to town on one of the microphone stands.

Lambert got so into the musical production number that he even tripped and rolled for about ten yards while trying to give off the impression that he meant to trip and roll for about ten years.

And all throughout the Adam in Wonderland hoopla there were instances of his crotch being grabbed, of him grabbing crotches, of a dancer grabbing the drummer's crotch, and of one of the backup singers grabbing the crotch of one of the stagehands who reportedly has already hired an attorney.

And towards the end of the "Hormonal Explosion" A.L. pranced up to one of his musicians and interrupted his singing by literally making out with the band member in a lip lock exercise that makes the Madonna-Britney Spears kiss of some years back look like Kermit kissing Miss Piggy.

After about nine minutes, the song ended and the music stopped. And when the smoke finally cleared there were sweat-laden bodies strewn all over the place.

And the "Entertainer" Adam Lambert stood on stage smiling and probably thinking to himself, and how was that for a pre-Thanksgiving celebration?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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