Adam Lambert Dumps Drake LaBry Says He Thinks He Likes Girls

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

image for Adam Lambert Dumps Drake LaBry Says He Thinks He Likes Girls
Adam Lambert shown riding his horse "Skippy Boy" on the beach. (NOTE: Adam is no longer riding sidesaddle).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Adam Lambert in a surprise move that surprised even his mom said that he has officially dumped his boyfriend Drake LaBry.

Lambert sitting at a local Margaritas & Things Lounge revealed that he wanted everyone to know that Drake is a nice guy, but that the keyword here is 'guy.'

Adam took a drink from his Papita, which is short for Papaya Margarita, and stated that he really and truly believes that he may be getting to a point in his life where he prefers girls to guys.

When asked to explain, Adam smiled and said, "Okay, let me put it this way. I think that I may be getting to a point in my life where I may be preferring girls to guys."

He was asked why. He grinned and said that he has recently been reading in a lot of publications and on various Internet sites that Adam Lambert has the potential of possibly outselling the Beatles, Elvis Presley, Mariah Carey, and yes even Lady GaGa...but.

When asked what the but is? Lambert smiled and said, "You said but."

He then winked and said that the but is that a lot of people will not buy his CD's simply because he rides sidesaddle.

Lorrie Breadstick the reporter for Fairy Tail Magazine, who was interviewing Adam asked him what the heck riding horses had to do with CD sales.

Lambert threw up his hands and said that by the term sidesaddle he meant that he prefers hot dogs to donuts.

Lorrie blushed and said that she now understood the analogy. Lambert smiled and said, "You said analogy."

Lambert was asked if he has his eyes set on any particular female. He turned a little pinkish in the face and said that there are a lot of women who he finds attractive enough to want to play hide-the-salami with.

When asked to give some names, he replied Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Carrie Underwood, Melissa Rivers, Shakira, and even that cougar Kate Gosselin.

"Melissa Rivers?" He was asked.

"Hell yes." He replied asking the reporter had she not seen the size of her mouth and those fabulous fine-looking wrap-around lips.

And as far as Shakira goes he said that with that fantastic Colombian belly dancer a guy would not have to do a damn thing.

All he would have to do is just play one of her CDs, lie there in bed, and let the Colombian firecracker do the rest.

Lorrie smiled shyly and asked Adam if maybe she had a chance of perhaps, somehow finding herself with him now that it appears that he is leaning toward the split tails of the gender species.

Lambert winked and politely said "Next question."

SIDENOTE: Lorrie later revealed that she would not go out with Adam Lambert even if he had asked her. She says she has a boyfriend. His name is Francois "The Crazy Snowman" Chateau and he is a professional ice hockey player with the Calgary Cold Fronts of The Out West Canadian Hockey League. Lorrie coyly added that Francois's (blank) is way bigger than Lambert's (blank).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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