American Idol's Randy Jackson Enters Rehab

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 2 November 2009

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A close up photo of American Idol Judge Randy Jackson's nose.

HOLLYWOOD - American Idol Judge Randy Jackson has voluntarily entered into a rehab program.

The African-American-looking AI judge has reportedly checked himself into The Woody Allen Rehab Clinic For The Compulsively Obsessive Obsessed in Tarzana, California.

The rotund Jackson went in to get cured for constantly uttering phrases such as, "That was a little pitchy," "Hey dawg, it was just alright," and "Did I ever tell you that I worked with Journey, Whitney Houston, and Mariah Carey?"

The 53-year-old Jackson said that ever since he first became an American Idol judge he has received thousands of letters and emails from AI viewers telling him to find some new cliche phrases to use.

Randy stated that he had resisted until recently when he received an email from his grandmother Fontavia Tacy Bellabigg, who just turned 98, and who still drives a tractor on the family Tabasco sauce farm located just outside of Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

"Tubby" as his grandmother calls him said that he needed to come up with other cliches to show that he's not just a pretty face.

Randy immediately called up his family physician, Dr. Brian Kickerson, 52, who after examining him suggested that he instantly check himself into The Woody Allen Rehab Clinic For The Compulsively Obsessive Obsessed.

Randy said that he sat down and wrote out a check for $8,000 to cover the two week stay. He said that he was allowed to bring along his bass guitar, a basketball, and two pizzas.

Dr. Kickerson said that Jackson should do really good in an environment where most of the patients are either self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, or Kanye West wannabees.

Randy emailed his grandmother and he told her that he has learned a new cliche. He told her that it was "Hey dawg, you just perfored your Paula Abdul song," which means, that the singer, like Paula is "gone."

In a related story. Paula Abdul told Larry King that there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that she has been asked to appear as one the judges in 'Iraq Idol.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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