In a hissy fit the like of which has not been seen since John McEnroe's glory days at Wimbledon, the USA has declared its position on Libyan oil reserves.
"We do not actually give a skinny shit about the release of the Lockerbie bomber - it was only a convenient hook to divert attention from President Obama's declining popularity" declares US Trade Secretary Lord Peter Mangelson.
It is anybody's guess how Mangelson, not an American citizen, became an elected US politician and achieved selection as a prominent member of the Obama cabinet - but a behind-the-scenes deal is suspected. In any event, he now speaks for both the British and US governments, so that will be quite handy really.
"We will invade Libya and remove the dreadful regime fronted by Muammar Gadaffi" states the Dark Lord - "we will restore democracy which will be a novelty for Libya as it has never been a democracy".
Exxon have already moved a fleet of supertankers to a secret location 5 miles north of Tripoli in anticipation of the liberation of Libya's oil.
"After all" states Lord Mangelson, "General Motors and Ford do not really mean it when they say they will make fuel-efficient cars - that sort of thing is OK for Japan, but it won't wash here"!
