In an announcement that will is sure to rock the citizenry of the United states and astound, if not surprise, the rest of the world, Tempus Magazine is set to announce the 2009 Person of the Year: The American Asshole.
Sources within the magazine have leaked internal memos showing that although this pick was unanimous within the editorial board the cover picture has been widely debated. Some wanted only a graphic, others an actual picture, while the majority favored a montage of the various T-Baggers and Birther rallies around the country. The prevailing wisdom was that more Assholes could be shown that way and sales would no doubt be boosted in areas of the country which are not ordinarily places where the magazine has large distribution.
Test marketing and focus groups have proven the decision to be correct. As word of the cover leaked, thousands of T-Baggers and Birthers flooded the magazine's corporate headquarters to request advance copies. In Louisburg, NC a parade was announced for the day the magazine would reach Food Lion and local Zip Marts. Mr T.J. McCorkle, of Louisburg, who was featured on the cover with other protestors around the country carried a sign that read..."Keep Your filthy Commie Gobmint Hands off My Medicare" Mr. McCorkle stated, "Yesireee we ain't the first Assholes to be on the cover, but we damn straight is the best"
Hundreds of rallies have been planned around the country by The T-Baggers and Birthers to distribute the magazine and showing large blowups of the cover on placards, signs and billboards.
All was not joy though when the advance copies were distributed. Mr MCorkle's daughter, a fifth grader at the local elementary school was sent to the principals office when she broke down sobbing on seeing the cover picture. The principal called the local sheriff's department. Two deputies came to the school and tasserd the little girl before arresting the child and taking her to the local police station.
A spokesman boasts that this may be the largest selling copy of the magaxine in company history, stating, "We had no idea how many of them were out there"
