Long-forgotten manufactured English kiddie pop band Five Star have made a comeback this year, and tonight they will be appearing at London's Jacko McWacko Theatre for the Deaf..
'It was, like, like, like so ... so ...' 'Interesting?, a passing riot policeman asked. 'Yeah, interesting', Five Star's lead singer Natasha Depresski managed to say. 'As the Unoriginal Five we was, like, churning out any old cobblers, like, year after year, and nobody was interested in us at all. Same old stuff, throw a brick in West London and you'd hit another manufactured, boring family of nobodies, I mean what was the point?'
'Then our manager - 'Dad' - had a brainwave, kind of. He said 'Let's call you Five Star instead of the Unoriginal Five, and then your egos will be all nice and pampered, and you won't be tedious and tiresome tripe any more!', and how we cried with joy at such a brilliant idea. And soon enough, everywhere you went you saw Five Star - tagged on to complete and utter crap products that nobody else was interested in, used to advertise a Muslim dating site (an oxymoron if ever there was one),
and Five Star were even used to get articles into the press that were basically adolescent drivel an intelligent monkey could do better at writing - but as long as it had Five Star's endorsement, then those articles kept appearing, and getting thrown straight into the bin, of course.'
Five Star had many hits in the 1980s, including 'Reach For The Stars', 'When You Wish For More Stars', 'More Stars Are Born For No Reason', and 'Oh No, Not More Stars For This Crap Again', and journalists had long got tired of wading through Five Star's seemingly endless kiddies' musical wallpaper that took up space in the world that would have been better used for a vacuum. Some even went on permanent lunch breaks, just to avoid another Five Star mention.
'That's not very nice!', Ms. Depresski said huffily, and puffily, 'I am now going to huff and puff until you say Five Star are wonderful, talented, amazing, and almost frighteningly, er, interesting. And clever. And terribly, terribly, terribly somefink to fill up this place with. Can I go now?', but this journalist had deliberately passed into a diabetic coma, rather than waste any more of his time with Five Star.
