"It's about time we had a National Breast Appreciation Day" Dolly Parton reportedly stated at Dollywood this morning on PMSNBC.
"If there's anybody any more thankful than I am, they're a complete Boob!"
"These babies have carried me more than I have them!" (Many cheers in the background. followed by one lone "We appreciate you and yours, Dolly!" More laughter!)
"I think my voice has made me famous but I might not have had a chance to be heard if these big gals hadn't got me through the door. In fact, I could barely get them through the door!" (Much applause)
Dolly then announced that all rides on the Tit-A-Whirl and the Water Boob Slide were free all day the 28th, providing it is not too cold.
"I think you can see for yourself how cool it is today!" (Roar of laughter followed by somebody choking on a corn dog and getting slapped on the back)
"So let the balloons go up and be sure to come back on the 28th of September for a lot more specials on "Nation Breast Appreciation Day!"
(Somebody give that guy the Heimlich Maneuver!)