Taylor Swift described as "slow child" says former track coach

Funny story written by Frankie The J

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

image for Taylor Swift described as "slow child" says former track coach
Taylor Swift was not fast enough to appear in this photograph of sprinters

Ron Paul, Track and Field Coach at Gator Bait High School in Pervert Harbour, Florida, told reporters, Tuesday that country music hottie, Taylor Swift, was "Such a slow runner she couldn't even catch a cold."

"When I was coaching Taylor at Wyomissing (PA) High School, she seemed to lack motivation to compete as a sprinter. I had to drop a lit cherry bomb down her shorts just to get her off the blocks, Paul told TheSpoof.com.

"Oh, she'd run after the boys fast enough. When they chased her, though, she ran like her feet were stuck in quick sand," he said of the 20-year-old songbird.

"Swift is a slow child," said WHS guidance counselor, Martina DeLucia. "She was so slow they even put a sign up on her street that warned motorists to "Watch out for Slow Child Playing."

"I never saw Taylor so antimated as she was at the CMT Awards show when she sang with Def Leopard," said her old coach. "She sure did shake her stuff, but you see, that was her problem as a sprinter all along...She'd just stop running and shake her head and make her hair fly. It was the darndest thing I've ever seen a runner do. Made her lose her balance."

Swift will return to WHS in 2011 for her 5th high school reunion.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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