Twilight Star Kristen Stewart Pregnant With Robert Pattinson's Baby?

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Thursday, 9 July 2009


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The medical community has little experience in delivering vampire babies.

Twilight Co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are soon to be the parents of a new baby. The story was broken first by an Australian magazine. Neither of the stars has officially confirmed the rumour, and their publicists have not returned phone calls. Twits, tweets, twats, twitters, tweeters, e-mails, and faxes were also not returned.

Other Hollywood starlets, however, offered advice and opinions on the situation:

When asked, Lindsay Lohan said "hasn't she ever heard of birth control? I've been on the pill for like...ten years and use a diaphram and make sure the guy uses a condom (when I do guys)."

Jamie Lynn Spears, sister of Pop-tart Britney, said "It has been so much fun being barefoot and pregnant. Is she going to move into a traile in the south too? Maybe we could be neighbors."

Paris Hilton, socialite and wanna-be actress was "surprised that this one waited until she was nineteen. Don't most girls get knocked up in high school these days? I wonder if she's going to put their sex tapes on the internet. If she needs help with that, I can show her how."

Britney Spears also offered an opinion when she said "Motherhood is wonderful; I just wish I got to see my kids. I wonder if this baby is going to be a human or a vampire. Do vampire babys suck blood from your tits when you breast feed them, or do they get regular milk?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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