Written by Sam Rockford

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

North Carolina's soaring unemployment rate may get a little help later this year from little green men, pod people or whatever else may be up there.

"The truth is out there" says Jimmy Fred Hudson, founder and CEO of the Upper Cleveland County Alien Space Search Center, "well, up there really and we aim to find it."

Located atop Carpenter's Knob, the highest point in rural Cleveland County, the ASS Center is often filled by exited young interns hungering for new experiences. Human/Alien Resource Manager Awesome Hudson has been impressed with the quality of the interns. "They do a good job. Most of them volunteered, but we had to promise free candy to a few and a couple think they're here to help look for my puppy."

Jimmy Fred Hudson is also the owner of Jimmy Fred Hudson's Organic Brown Eggs, the county's 163rd largest employer. He had hoped to use the business model of the egg plant, which employs only illegal Mexican immigrants. Hudson said he doesn't speak Spanish and feels that aliens don't either which brought about the change in hiring policy.

He says the center hopes to hire as many as five employees by year's end. "We'll need a couple to work the telescope, one IT guy to send emails into space, a janitor and somebody to run the canteen. We'll also need a temp in winter to sweep the snow off the satellite dish."

There are future plans for more earthbound ventures, including a museum dedicated to history of "Knobby," a Bigfoot type creature often spotted in the area. Also in the works are black panther safaris, led by Jimmy's son Random Hudson, who said, "North Carolina is second to Indiana in black panther sightings and we want to be number one. Plus, it'll be fun for kids.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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