Valerie Bertinelli Loses 80 Pounds, Recommends Hog Balls!

Funny story written by Bureau

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Valerie Bertinelli Loses 80 Pounds, Recommends Hog Balls!
Diet: "One Day At A Time"

Former child actress Valerie Bertinelli of "One Day At A Time" fame has lost over 80 pounds to grace the cover of People Magazine this past week. How did the now 48 year-old Flubber Mother get back into a bikini without cutting off all circulation and dying a hideous death? She used the family Pork Rib diet!

"It's really simple", Valerie allegedly told the People mag which they conveniently left out, perhaps in conflict of other advertisers of say, chicken or beef..or fish..maybe vegetarians. Yep, most likely those butthole vegans.

"You purchase hundreds of pounds from a meat market, mine was in Chicago at the stockyard. You have all those hogs slaughtered and have them pack the ribs, selling the rest to restaurants. It's practically free. Even their feet, snouts and tails are sold for canned meats, their guts for meatskins and their balls to rednecks in the south."

"I then had the ribs all barbecued in different sauces and ate till I was full."

"The first month you lose a little, but after that, you really take it off! Especially after you're sick to death of pork ribs and puke up at least half that go down."

"I lost 80 pounds in three months. I guess it would work with the hog balls too if that's your kink. But remember, you must become sick to death of them."

"Of course, you will need some vitamin pills but talk to your doctor. I bet Dr. Adkins would have approved because, ribs or balls, it is an all-meat diet."

"Also remember to exercise while you lose the weight or you'll wind up with parts hanging out like Britney!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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