Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Britain's Got Talent Star Susan Boyle Act To 'Get Raunchier'
Elvis Presley

Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, who stunned judges and audiences alike with her magnificent performance of the Les Miserables hit I Dreamed A Dream, has told reporters that she intends to put some 'ooomph' into her act, and make it more 'raunchy'.

Boyle, the 47-year-old unemployed church lady, who, unsurprisingly, has never been kissed, sang like a bird on the show, and is now a household name wherever there are houses, but she was quick to stress today, that she has a more 'dangerous side'.

"Och yes," she said, "I'm a big fan of that Dolly Parton as well! Ah'll hetch up ma boobies, an' gev the crowd somethen to shout about!"

Viewers who were mesmerised by the Scot's amazing performance can also expect to see another one of her new images when she will appear in a Madonna-style basque, complete with pointed titcups.

Manager, Simon Cowell, said:

"It's not enough to have the voice of a bird, you have to actually look the part as well. We're going to make Susan Boyle the biggest thing since Elvis Presley - she's already halfway there - she looks a bit like him!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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