Simon Cowells trousers have reportedly filed for divorce in what is set to become the costliest divorce in history.
In a press release by the trousers agents, the trousers have expressed their regret, but said that relations between them and the 'sneering, pompus and ill dressed Englishman' had become strained after he was found backstage eating a banana out of Piers Morgans bottom.
Cowell has recruited Sidney Smythe who represented Maddona when she tried to adopt 50% of Africas black children while the trousers have taken on Cyril Sneer who acted for Heather McCartney in her battle with Sir Paul McCartney. Cyril is familiar with court cases involving complications with lower limbs.
Cowell refused to comment on the relationship in a recent interview and has been seen coming out of his flat on Wednesday without trousers. Cowell is rumoured to have become unhappy with relationship in recent times when his belt buckle was no more than 2 inches under his chin and viewable from outer space.