Written by Bluebella

Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Oprah Winfrey: I will stay a virgin until I'm married
Beyonce*: If you like it then you better put a ring on it.

Los Angeles, CA - Oprah Winfrey has announced in her own magazine 'O' that she intends to stay a virgin until she is married "to set a good example for young women."

Winfrey, who is 55 and a self made billionaire with a number of successful franchises all containing metaphors or initials of her own name, has been with her lover, Oprah's Boyfriend (no-one knows his real name) for 28 years.

"One time, I think it was in 1987, we almost did it." Oprah admits "but I reminded Steddy that I didn't have a current license to have sex and it was illegal. The next day I was so glad we didn't do it and I still had my V Plate (Virgin Plate) in tact. Virginity IS precious you know and not something to give out freely, not even to someone you have been in a relationship for a quarter of a century."

Winfrey then went on to admit that she was tired of waiting for Oprah's Boyfriend to propose and is going to serve him an ultimatum: put a ring on the finger by Christmas or they're through. "I've waited long enough and have had my Virgin License for decades now, it's time to progress to the next stage: my Learners." Winfrey will be able to apply for her Learners License five days prior to her wedding, but it will not be valid until 8pm on the night of her wedding. After her wedding night, if there is one, Winfrey will be able to remove the V plate from her buttocks and replace it with an L plate.

She is required to be on her Learners License for six months before she can apply for her Professional License (P Plates).

Oprah's Boyfriend has made no comment about the ultimatum but was seen looking around jewellery stores in downtown LA. If all goes smoothly, Winfrey could have her L Plate by next Easter and her P's by next summer. In the meantime, she will continue setting a good example for young women around the world.

* Beyonce has nothing to do with this story.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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