Oprah To Help Rihanna, Brown

Funny story written by Bureau

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

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Oprah won't actually be interviewing Rihanna this week, but the 21-year-old star's presence will be felt.

The daytime queen, who last week advised Rihanna and boyfriend Chris Brown to seek counseling, plans to devote this Thursday's episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show to dating violence.

"There's too much of this going on behind closed doors, we need to get this thing out in the open", stated Ms. Winfrey.

Winfrey said the episode, which will include guest diva Tyra Banks, is "dedicated to all the Rihannas of the world."

Winfrey, who is not one to be shy about taking a stand on a potentially polarizing issue or offering unsolicited advice, has already addressed Rihanna on the air.

"Girl, if you let any man beat on you while you're dating, you think he's gonna suddenly become Richard Simmons when you marry?"

"Unless that beating he's already gave you has damaged your brain, you better think this thing over."

"And Mr. Brown, you think you're a man because you can beat up a little girl? How popular was Ike Turner when everything came out about him?"

"Now listen to this: "Chris Brown may have to do community service at Long John Silvers where he can batter fish instead of women." Or this: "A girl entered a boy's race yesterday in Britain and won, saying, "Unlike Rihanna, I don't intend to be beaten by a boy."

"Those type things you are going to hear the rest of your life on Leno & Letterman if you both don't straighten out. Chris, do you want to replace O.J.?"

Brown has been charged with assaulting and threatening Rihanna last month and is facing prison time if convicted. His arraignment has been postponed until April, purportedly so his attorneys can continue to try to hammer out a plea deal with prosecutors.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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