DVD Menu Loops During Loss Of Virginity

Funny story written by Vondrook

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Kristen Stabler and Ryan Hokum, both of Havertown, Maryland, engaged in their first coital act together Saturday night while the menu of the DVD they had been watching looped continuously.

The DVD in question, Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope-Special Edition Re-release Blu-Ray, was first mentioned by Hokum, 16, when he asked Stabler, 17, to come over to his house. "My parents were out of town for the night," Hokum told reporters, "and Star Wars is such a fun, non-threatening movie, I figured she would have no problem being comfortable at my place."

The movie was ready to go as Stabler entered the Hokum household at 7:35 p.m., and they sat on the couch awkwardly as Hokum pressed the "play" button. Things started slowly for the uncouth teenagers, who have only advanced to second-base on their three previous make-out sessions.

"It was like, kinda weird at first," said Stabler. "But after a little bit, he like, put his arm around me and stuff."

Halfway through the film, the couple was completely engrossed with each other, and were fumbling about in hormonal enthusiasm. "We were just totally all about each other," Hokum recalled. "The last thing I remember seeing in the movie was when they were shooting T.I.E. Fighters from Han's spaceship."

The movie played all the way through the end of the credits as the couple advanced their feelings to the highest level.

"I know it was quiet for a little bit," said Stabler. "But then, the T.V. started playing little excerpts of the movie on the startup screen."

Hokum paid no attention to the television, but Stabler was thrown off a little. "Like, for a minute, I literally thought there was somebody else in the room with us, but it was just a clip of Darth Vader breathing."

The DVD startup screen included clips of Princess Leia saying, "Help me Obi-Won; you're my only hope," along with Han Solo saying to Luke, "Don't get cocky," as well as Darth Vader's ranting about the "dark side," all of which were played while the Stars Wars theme song played in the back round.

"I didn't hear any distractions," recalled Hokum. "I was too caught up in the moment. It was awesome!"

Stabler felt the situation was more bitter-sweet. "I always wanted my first time to be like, kinda romantic...?" Stabler disclosed to reporters. "But I'm glad we did it, anyway."

After the couple had finished completing a monumental moment in their lives, Stabler began reaching for the remote control.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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