Written by Nikki Hudson

Sunday, 27 June 2004

image for Kurt Cobain Found Alive
Cobain, writing depressing songs to the surprise of everyone.

Singer/guitarist of Nirvana found alive at a K-Mart in Idaho, writing sad lyrics and surprising everyone.

SEATTLE, WA - A decade ago, Kurt Cobain, the leader and voice of thousands of teenagers, kill himself in his Washington home, much to the shock and surprise of millions.

But today, Kurt Cobain was found alive.

In the town of Sunnyside, Idaho, Mary Youler (who was looking for maternity clothes), spotted a pair a muddy boots under a clothes rack at the local K-Mart.

"I screamed because I thought it was some guy that was going to take advantage of me," says Youler. "I ran away screaming and several people from their fantastic management came over and helped me. I pointed to the clothes rack and they went to investigate".

What the management found disturbed them; a disheveled Cobain writing feverishly in a notebook that was entitled "My Vomit", and was composing a song called "My Life Sucks, This Is All A Lie".

The song, which is very disturbing in nature, is a sad song. This is surprising because Kurt has always been writing uplifting songs about his fantastic life, up until his tragic death in 1994.

The Spoof has obtained some of the lyrics found in Cobain's notebook, and has been granted permission to write them.

Everything is gone and dead like the ice from winter

The rose falls from the bugs and the birds scream from the sky

my life sucks, and this is true
my life sucks, and this is a lie.

Cobain was also surprised by the amount of attention he received.

"I was hoping no one would remember me," said Cobain. "I thought that no one would find me... here... at a K-Mart."

Psychologists say that Cobain was in K-Mart because depressed people are attracted to depressing places. K-Mart Corporation has gone bankrupt, and many stores around the nation have closed.

His beautiful, sweet, and sophisticated wife Courtney Love has been unavailable for comment, but it is guessed she is pleased with the findings.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: singer, Writing

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