John Mayer Accused of Being "Repetitive Story Teller"

Written by Kenneth Manboobs

Friday, 18 June 2004

image for John Mayer Accused of Being "Repetitive Story Teller"
"This one time, wait, this is so funny..."

New York - John Mayer, the talented 26 year-old singer/songwriter has been the recipient of many accolades and awards in his short career, but now the bright glare of the spotlight may be bringing unwanted attention to the affable talent.

A growing current of unrest has circulated throughout Mayer's last two tours. Some of his biggest fans began noticing that though the venue changed, John's in-between song commentary did not.

"You really feel like he's telling you all of this personal stuff, like this really means something to him," said Jenni Crabapple, who attended Mayer's show in Denver's Pepsi Center. "Then like a week later my friend Kara said that he told the same story in Detroit. Fucking Detroit?"

The secret appears to be out - John Mayer has a problem with telling the same story multiple times. Some say he leans heavily on using different intonations and inflections to pass the same story off time and time again in a believable fashion.

The bootlegging internet community that tapes shows of various performers, including Mayer, indicates this is not a problem found solely at the Grammy-winning artist's show. User Dmb_96 was contacted in a chatroom forum and had this to say, "Let's not all bag on JM. Hell, I've got tapes from three consecutive (Widespread) Panic shows in '97 where they go on some rant about the bus breaking down in Tulsa."

Apparently though John Mayer's repetitive anecdotes are not confined to his public showings. Jennifer Love Hewitt, one of the singer's old flames, pointed out in a Vanity Fair article from March 2002 that Mayer could really run story into the ground. "I guess we were together for a few months," says Hewitt "and in that time I probably heard the ‘Your Body is a Wonderland' explanation like twenty times. At first it is kind of sweet and personal, but after that you're kind of like ‘John, if you want to fool around, just say so'."

Researchers have estimated that as many as 50% of the nation's population can be defined as "repetitive story tellers". The scope of the problem naturally leads to the assumption that more people would begin stories with phrases like, "Stop me if you have heard this one". Not so says the study.

It looks as if the other half of Americans will have to suffer through birthday remembrances, bachelor party lore, college shenanigans, and certain rock concerts for an excruciatingly long time to come. Over and over and over…and over again.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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