The manager of MGM Studios, Sam Goldmine, today claimed that Hollywood movies are not all the same, or are just rehashing the same ideas year after year.
'Listen', he said, waving a cigar in the air,' just look at our latest features coming out. There's Indiana Jones and the Skull of the Stone, Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone Skull, Lara Croft:Tombstone Skull Raider, and Indiana Potter and the Stone Temple of the Skull Raiders of Lara. And don't forget Yet Another Cliched English Costume Drama With Hugh Grant And Emma Thompson In It, so what more do you want, Shakespeare?'
When it was pointed out that almost every movie from America now is either a sequel, a prequel, a pre-sequel-spinoff-quel, or yet another cartoon with Robin Williams doing silly voices in it, Mr. Goldmine snapped: 'The door's over there, pal! The Doors ... hmmm ... hey! The Doors 2! Jim Morrison comes to life again, and - no, The Doors:The Early Years! Ray Manzarek and Bobby Krieger's high school years, their first loves, their struggles with the authority of teachers, how meeting Jim Harrison Ford made them realise that ....', and as Goldmine disappeared to find his chief executive co-producer's vice-screenplay writer's assistant key teaboy, legendary director Steven Spielberg appeared.
'Hey, not all movies are the same here, listen to the latest one I'm shooting. It's about a film director who makes a living taking fantastic books and turning them into sentimental, simplistic slush, with an 'awww' at the end. I'm going to call it Star Trek Bores of the Lost Terminally Rocky Imagination of Moviemakers IV. Lucky for Hollywood all the decent directors got black-listed in the 1950s, or else we'd still be making intelligent, original films that people would want to see over and over again. Have a Star Trek Bore Burger, with free McDonald's toy.'
Orson Welles was turning in his grave .... probably.
