Elton John has divorced his glasses today, every single one of them. According to Elton, all they have brought him is pain, especially the pink starry ones.
Technically, Elton John never was married to his glasses.
We asked him about this. "If I can have the first homosexual marriage, then I can marry my glasses thank you very much," said the singer. "My glasses became a part of me. I wore them everywhere, they made me feel safe and secure. Whenever anyone took photos, or whenever I did an interview, I always hid behind my glasses. You see having glasses is a lot like being a supermodel. I can say anything I like, but no one cares, because I'm sexy!"
Elton Continued to ramble on, until he started telling us about past experiences with a horny zebra, at which point we stopped him and ran away, doing our best to protect our virginity.
So what will happen to his millions of glasses? They will be going to charity, according to Elton's solicitor. It's a new age for the homeless! An age in which tramps will be seen wearing fluffy pink sunglasses.
