Hollywood Considers Special Award For Hitler

Funny story written by Rick Higginson

Friday, 23 April 2004

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Adolf Hitler: Der Fuerher of Villains we Love to Hate

HOLLYWOOD, California: In a move that has created considerable controversy in the short time since it was suggested, Hollywood Producers have asked the Motion Picture Academy to consider awarding a special Posthumous Achievement Award to Adolf Hitler.

Recognizing the unique contribution that Hitler and the Third Reich have made to the Entertainment Industry, Producers and Screenwriters alike are expressing appreciation for the ready availability of villains for the Motion Picture Industry. Steven Spielberg, speaking from the set of his latest movie, commented, "It's so difficult to write and cast bad guys these days. Everyone is just so horribly oversensitive about perceived stereotypes, and if you're not careful, you've got boycotts and lawsuits from advocacy groups all over the place. However, nobody bothers to try and stick up for the Nazis. You can make them as nasty and obnoxious as you like, and audiences just love it!"

Mel Brooks agreed. "Hitler was evil, sure, but we'd have to be meshugah to not have as much fun as we can mocking him. I try to make sure I humiliate him in every movie I make!" Indeed, Mel Brooks has impersonated Hitler and featured Nazis in more movies than perhaps any other producer. "Yeah, the guy was a schmuck, but if you can make a buck off a schmuck, why not?"

The proposal is not without critics, though. Boris Yeltsin, speaking from Moscow, denounced the idea as ignoring the facts of history. "Hollywood has been far too, how you say? myopic about Nazi Germany for far too long. Should Hitler get an award from Hollywood? Nyet! Not until Comrade Stalin is recognized by Hollywood for the brutal beast that he was. Hitler was brutal, da, but he was amateur. Stalin massacred far more people without exposing himself to negative publicity."

Reaction from the Jewish Community is mixed. Rabbi Yosi ben Eliezer of Congregation Am Yisrael Chai offered this comment when asked about the proposal. "Nu? They want to give a special award to Hitler (may his name be blotted out!) for providing ample villains to Hollywood? The move is not without precedence, I suppose. For over 2000 years we've been declaring that Haman's name be blotted out, and yet, he still takes the main stage in every Purim Schpiel. Maybe someday we will delight children with such irreverent portrayals of Hitler, too?"

Miriam Goldstein of the Holocaust Memorial Foundation of Gumstump blanched at the idea. "Hitler? ptui! The only award he deserves is an extra hot pit in the fires of hell. My mother, may God rest her soul, lost her entire family to that putz. ptui!"

No comment yet from the Motion Picture Academy on the proposal, but experts are questioning who would accept the award on behalf of the late Nazi Fuerher. One suggested the character Mr. Hanky from "South Park", noting the similarities between the two characters. "Both are walking talking excrement," he commented.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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