Hudgens vows to superglue thighs together in $10 million 2008 celibacy marathon contest

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Monday, 31 December 2007

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Willpower alone can't help Hudgens or other competition entrants

Beverly Hills, California - (Bad Ass Mess): High School Musical starlet Vanessa Hudgens has vowed to abstain from sex in 2008 in return for a guaranteed $10 million bounty from Halo! magazine.

The top prize has tempted the teenage Disney actress to fit a 21st century equivalent of a chastity belt fabricated from cyanoacrylate adhesive.

"That should mean nothing gets in for at least 12 months," her publicist said today, "but of course does not preclude other forms of, er, amusement currently banned under the US' Sodomy Laws in fourteen American States."

The Halo! magazine initiative is open to all US celebs including old slappers like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and other iconic peroxide divas.

Contestants will be strictly monitored according to the competition's Rules & Conditions.

This includes being fitted with a Sat-Nav technology-inspired monitor which detects arousal and orgasm in all competition entrants.

"These montoring bracelets have been finely tuned to distinguish between sex-related climax and plain old wet dream climaxes that most young women have at least half a dozen times a night when undergoing a period of celibacy," a competition organiser said today.

"Auto-eroticism is also banned under Sub-Claus 666 of the Rules & Conditions."

Hudgens would be the first teenage entrant to scoop the $10 million prize if her willpower succeeds in helping her remain chaste for the next 12 months.

"But the competition will be stiff," rival entrants' publicists have warned, "but everybody participating can expect to be sitting on a fortune if successful."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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