Maddie Top Cop Defends Blundered Investigation

Funny story written by Aisubeki Akiudo

Friday, 10 August 2007

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Chiefinho Do Police-i-onho - Eduardo Escudo

Lisboa, PORTOOGAAHL (Defectaed News)- Over 100 days after little Maddie went missing, Portuguese police are finding themselves under greater scrutiny and criticism and in deep shit. Until now, they have refused to talk to us - until now.

In a frank interview, Portuguese Chief of Police Eduardo Escudo talked with our reporter over a beer and egg sandwich about why his police are so arse-brained.

"We are trying to explore all possibilities in finding little Maddie. Our latest theory is that she was either abducted or murdered", he told us.

With regards to the recent find of blood on the wall of Maddie's room, Escudo explained the oversight,

"We had stopped for the lunch in Maddie's flat and my deputies went to get some food. They came back with the chips and the fish, just the way you English like. I shook the ketchup bottle and was dancing around like a Cockney saying 'lovely jubbly, guvna' and the ketchup went everywhere. It must have made the blood look like the ketchup, so we didn't bother to check it out. Honest mistake, really."

Escudo has been under increasing pressure to stand down and let another useless person take over, but he stands firm and determined,

"I will not be moved. They pay is too good and I get lots of time to look at the lovely ladies while wearing my big shiney cop badge."

It is also understood that Escudo has actually contributed to the 'Cash for Honours' investigation last year, and made the final decision to shoot Portuguese speaking Jean-Charles De Menezezez.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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